Kintsugi: The Golden Repair of a Mistimed Pregnancy
I am not going to share how I came to be pregnant because honestly, I feel that it is not a crucial part of the story I need to tell you. I was there, in the same position you are now with a new life to be responsible for regardless of the circumstances of its creation.
Was I innocent in all of this? Was I promiscuous? A drug and alcohol user? Abused, raped? Maybe I was a naive young adult, a child yet myself without ever receiving proper guidance and direction to survive adolescence let alone an unwanted pregnancy. Every birth mother has a story of how they became pregnant, but that’s not an essential part of my story.
I was a high school senior in 1974 and 17 years old. I was alone, ignorant, and extremely terrified. There was no one for me to talk to or confide in, no one to tell, no shoulder to cry on. I had 6 sisters, 4 brothers, a mother, and a father and yet, I was the most alone I had ever been. And now I had a secret to keep.
I kept it by praying every night that I would soon get my period, that I wasn’t pregnant, or that God would make something happen to me so that it would be easier to tell my parents. He must have been listening because on Christmas Eve of that year, as the whole family gathered while celebrating and opening presents my prayer was answered when I started to feel excruciating pain in my left leg. God does work in mysterious ways.
I began limping and my sister, who is a nurse, asked to take a look at it. When I pulled up my pant leg, I found my leg swollen, discolored, and tight. She suggested that our parents immediately take me to the hospital. I arrived in the emergency room with my mom and dad having no idea they were about to find out their little girl was pregnant.
I recall the doctor working that evening smelling of cigar smoke and Christmas cheer, treating me like I was inconveniencing him.
He said it looked as if I had a blood clot and asked me if I was on “the pill” as it was common to experience clots while taking them. Very sheepishly I said, “No, but I’m pregnant”. It was the first time I was able to say those words out loud, but his consequent question sent a wave of foreboding…
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