Animals are Tired of Hearing

 Things That People With Assistance Animals are Tired of Hearing

Is that a service dog?

No. She’s just wearing a red vest and a guide handle for Halloween.

You can’t bring that dog in here!

Yes, I can. And if you say I can’t, I will sue you for several million dollars.

I am required to ask if this is a service animal.

No. You aren’t. No law requires you to do that. Your boss requires you to do that. Oh you’re the boss? Shut the fuck up. She’s in a red vest that says “Service Dog,” you dillhole.

What is your disability?

I don’t legally have to tell you that.

My dog is here to alert people if I am in medical distress.

Legally, you are only allowed to ask me what service she performs for me, and I just told you.

Why did you just ask me for my private medical information? It’s none of your business. Like, at all. Do you ask all your customers for their private medical histories?

Did you know that sometimes people bring dogs places and pretend that they are service dogs when they aren’t?

Wow, oh my god no! I’ve never heard of that happening before. How awful!

By the way, it’s illegal for you to refuse access to people with dogs if they say their dog is a service animal.

Can I see the paperwork?

No. No law requires me to show you that. Go fuck yourself.

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