How to Deliver Constructive Feedback in Difficult Situations
Asa founder, my biggest regrets revolve around not having difficult conversations sooner. I could have helped team members improve faster, fired people with the wrong fit earlier, had so many more productive meetings. I could have created a more open company culture.
I was guilty of making excuses: It will sort itself out; they’ll eventually stop doing it; there are more important things to focus on. Of course, delaying these conversations always made things worse. And, sometimes, it even led to crises.
The side-effect of empathy
Empathy means tuning into the feelings of others. Like many founders, I’ve always had a lot of empathy for people — after all, founders focus their lives on understanding the feelings and needs of their customers. But when it comes to difficult conversations, I’ve found that empathy has a side effect. I can focus so intently on how the conversation might affect the other person’s feelings that I lose sight of why we needed the conversation in the first place.
Without a healthy amount of self-empathy, we often find that our own needs — and the needs of the business — take the passenger’s seat.
Nonviolent communication
“Nonviolent Communication” (NVC) is an awful name for one of the most powerful communication courses I’ve ever taken as a manager. NVC helps you to be honest without criticizing, insulting, or putting down other people.
At the core of NVC is a straightforward communication pattern: “When ____[observation], I feel ____[emotion] because I’m needing some ____[universal needs]. Would you be able to ____[request]?”
At first glance, this looks easy. But in practice, it’s extremely difficult to pull off. To grasp the complexity, NVC makes some subtle but…
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