How to Say No

Some things you wouldn’t think you’d have to re-learn how to do as an adult. Next time you’re around a toddler, pay attention to just how early people get good at saying no.

We grown-ups should be great at it, but we’re not. Saying no, especially at work, isn’t easy. It can feel like a failure — like we’re not being that yes person we’re supposed to be. The toxic message is that being a collaborative person requires you to say yes to whatever.

On top of all that, you may not feel like you have the authority to say no. Overly hierarchical orgs and orgs with trust deficits alike have a vested interest in convincing us of this. Decisions are for leaders, people, not for you.

Cognitive dissonance is stress that’s caused by encountering something contradictory to your beliefs. Decades of research have highlighted the incredible lengths people will go to live in a stable and consistent world.

We make difference choices, for example by seeking out specific people and information (see, e.g., filter bubbles and confirmation bias). We also rationalize and reinterpret messages to create the blissful consistent world we want to live in.

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