How We’re Making Non-Monogamy Work In Our Marriage
My husband and I marked 2 years of non-monogamy this summer. We celebrated with a bottle of sparkling rosé and sex. The following weekend, I flew to Chicago to visit my boyfriend, who I’d began dating 2 years before — another story I’ll share, soon. Two celebrations with my two loves. How did I get so lucky?
How did we arrive here?
I’m actually a little bit obsessed with my husband. He is kind, gentle, handsome, funny, smart. I love him deeply. There is nothing that I would not do for him in the interest of being a loving and supportive wife.
Being a wife is not my only identity in this life, but it is a role I take seriously. We have been married for 12 years. I still want to please my husband, to look nice for my husband, to make him feel loved, cared for, and important. It’s easy to do these things, because I find him to be an exceptional husband and life partner.
Whatever I want, my husband makes it happen. My husband does all of our laundry because he knows I hate it. I do 95% of the cooking but he washes all of the dishes. Any errands I need completed, he volunteers. He charms our friends and family because he is decent, kind, and good. He does not have any bravado, but he has so much heart. He brings me a cup of tea to bed and sets it on my nightstand, every single morning. Anything to make my life easier…including allowing me to take lovers, because he knows I enjoy it.
For my part, I want to be A Good Wife. I’m cute. I keep myself up. I read. I ask about his day. I listen to his answer. I’m wonderful company at parties. I help him take care of his child, even though I do not want to have children of my own and I am counting down the days until adolescence turns into adulthood. I plan fun dates for us, because he is so busy. I do what I can to keep sparks flying in our bedroom. I think about ways to make sex exciting because I know he experiences some anxiety in that area. We have sex every Saturday night, and any other night that he wants to have sex. He knows my body is available to him whenever he wants me.
I asked my husband how he thinks non-monogamy is going, and in his typical…
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