Relation-dinghy or Relation-ship?
An old and dear friend used to ask, “are you in a relation-dinghy or a relation-ship?” The dinghy looks like you and me against the world in a small rowboat. The ship is massive, world unto itself, filled with lots of different people, options, opportunities, support, and if you just want to retreat to your own stateroom every once in a while, you can do that too… alone, or with a guest. I say fuck the dinghy any choppy waves knocks that little fucker over. A ship on the other hand… Very hard to knock over, very hard to sink. Lots of resources to balance and have an awesome time. I choose the more complex, more resources, and decidedly less fictional-romantic relation-ship.
What if the way most humans have done romantic, sexual, intimate relationship — you know, the way that’s been codified, institutionalized, coveted, legalized, and dogmatically shoved at society as the way to be and aspire to be — what if it’s actually the emotional equivalent of kindergarten?
What if human animals, over GENERATIONS, have been trained and conditioned to stay stunted in an overly-simplistic, hetero-paired, rigid, monogamy paradigm? What if monogamy isn’t the sappy Hallmark card or romcom movie of the week we all yearn for it to be…?
What if monogamy really promotes staying together in a hermetically sealed, romantic/sexual bubble of intense expectations, a rigid heterosexual pressure cooker — add one male and one female, simmer until death do you part — despite boredom, error, suffering, neglect, abuse, gross incompatibilities, the pressure of “should” vs. “or you’re a failure” and all sorts of other unpleasant, toxic-ass crap?
AND, what if “cheating” is merely the poisonous byproduct of such an oversimplified, constraining, life-sucking construct? What if obsession, compulsion, stalking, and the violence that frequently follows is another poisonous byproduct of that same strangling construct?
Monogamous sexual/romantic fidelity between two people, when it works, is indeed quite compact, tidy, and so conveniently lovely… Yet, monogamy is also SUCH a concrete, black & white, limited-ass paradigm. And so many people seem to not only believe in it, but push it as the legal, religious, and social norm for everyone else. Really?! That’s a super narrow-ass paradigm
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