How to Actually Know You’re Lonely
In the summer of 2017, I got lonely without knowing it.
I remember feeling uneasy at the time. Anxious, restless, constantly craving distractions. But loneliness? I didn’t even consider it.
A few weeks earlier, I had moved away from home and into a one-bedroom apartment. It was my first time living all alone. And I’d wanted it this way. Moving there, I hadn’t just craved a fresh start but had also yearned to be far, far away from my old life — friends, family, familiarity. And so, at the time, I simply denied the possibility of loneliness. It wasn’t even on my radar.
And yet, loneliness snuck up on me — gradually, sneakily.
Throughout my days, I woke up groggy, gulped down instant coffee, and rushed to my job as an engineering trainee. I worked with many people my age. And yet, as much as I craved connection, I didn’t really click with anyone. One of the worst moments was walking into the cafeteria, shyly carrying my lunch tray, and not seeing anyone I could imagine having lunch with. Or, other times, it was feeling left out by the people I wanted to have lunch with.
In the afternoons, I returned home, not knowing what to do with myself. I drank beer, played video games, watched TV, and bought useless stuff on the Internet. My fridge was usually empty. I didn’t eat regularly — but when I did, I devoured microwaved food until my stomach hurt. I just didn’t know any better. It was the first time in my life with a proper job and away from my parents, so I simply assumed: Well, this is what it’s like to be an adult.
It would take years to grasp the immense health risks I underwent by being lonely without knowing it. Studies have consistently shown that chronic loneliness is linked to increased stress, depression, inflammation, and sleep disruptions. It can also lead to heart disease, dementia, and even premature mortality.
Undoubtedly, we must find ways to know if we’re lonely.
The question is, how?
0 Comments